Most professional school applications ask for some form of personal statement. The AMCAS personal comments essay allows 5,300 characters, and statements for other professional programs are usually a little shorter.
Your statement is an important first impression! Most of your readers will be admissions committee members, often professional school faculty. If your GPA and test scores are marginal, your statement can affect whether or not you are even offered an interview. When you do interview, questions are often drawn from your essay. A well-written statement can also help recommendation writers, and, with some tuning, can be used to apply for related programs.
You will have other places in your application to list your courses, grades, test scores, volunteer and paid experiences, extracurricular activities, awards and honors, etc. Your statement should therefore be much more than another list! The statement gives you an opportunity to integrate, describe, explain, and share the meaning you attach to your activities. There is not one preferred format, but many ways of relating who you are to your interest in becoming a health care professional.
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Some questions to help you generate material for your essay (you don't have to use them all, just use the ones that help):
Hint: As you go, think of little stories from your life that help answer the following questions.
1. Who are you?
Who are the most influential people in your life, and how did they affect your development?
Where have you lived?
How have you changed over time?
What are the most important events in your life?
What are the most important activities in your life?
What are your core values - what is important to you?
How are you different from other applicants?
Would you describe yourself as coming from a disadvantaged background? If so, describe and explain the disadvantages you have overcome.
How have you demonstrated a strong work ethic, the ability to manage your time, communication skills, and management and leadership qualities?
How have you demonstrated teaching and counseling skills?
How have you involved yourself in community, cultural and social service activities?
How have you demonstrated the ability to live and work with people from different cultural backgrounds?
2. How have prepared yourself to become a health care professional?:
How did you decide to become a member of the profession?
How have you demonstrated your passion for the profession?
How have you worked with patients and health care professionals?
How have you been involved in scientific research?
How does the possibility of becoming a health care professional make you feel?
Do you intend to serve an underserved population or community? If so, how have you demonstrated your connection and commitment to this population?
What other careers have you considered?
What reservations do you have about entering the profession?
What can you do as a member of the profession that you could not do in other professions?
What are your professional goals?
3. If there are difficulties in your application, inquiring minds would like to know:
If you are re-applying, what have you done since your last application?
Why are there gaps in your academic and work records?
Why have there been changes in your academic performance?
Why have you attended numerous undergraduate institutions?
Why have you withdrawn from multiple courses?
Why are there inconsistencies between your academic record and standardized test scores?
What have you learned from experiencing these difficulties?
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Once you have some raw ingredients for your essay, hopefully several pages worth, here are some tips for mixing elements together:
Make your statement personal. Don't derive your statement from a friend's essay, or an example from a website, and don't use quotes or clichés. Use you own words!
Organize your statement. Let your structure flow from the content you have chosen. Many people organize chronologically. If you use this approach, maintain the flow. Don't send your readers from high school to college, then suddenly back to grade school. Many essays use both time and another type of element, e.g., a chronology of personal stories, life changing events, places you've lived, important activities, influential people, or recurring themes.
Show with true stories. Rather than telling your reader you are compassionate, show your compassion with little, descriptive vignettes. Well-written anecdotes are fun to read, memorable, and humanizing.
Provide details, examples, and explanations. Name the people (except the patients) and places (towns, schools, etc.), Describe how you were involved in research projects, What you did as a health care volunteer; etc. Who, what, when, where, how, and (sometimes) why?
Support your assertions. If you want to say you value helping people, try giving an example before making the assertion. If space is tight, it is usually better to give examples, and let your readers draw their own conclusions.
Write with feeling! Admission committee members are looking for a passion for the profession. One way to convey your passion, is to use emotional language. Write and talk about your feelings!
Go deep. Saying you want to help people and like science doesn't cut deep enough. It doesn't differentiate you from any of the other candidates who are applying, and doesn't differentiate the role you desire from the countless other careers that involve helping with science. What can you do as a member of the profession that you could not do in other professions?
Offer explanations for significant weaknesses. The line between explanation and excuse is very thin. Have some readers help you find where that line lies. Take responsibility for your decisions, especially regarding the use of your time.
Use everyday words. Rather than trying to show off your vocabulary by using obscure words, use a variety of appropriate words. If you must use technical terms, provide definitions. Try not to send your readers running to a dictionary. It is important for health care professionals to show they can communicate clearly with people from a variety of backgrounds.
Constructively fill most of the space you are given. This isn't a ten-page English essay, so you don't need a long, formal introduction or conclusion, or a lot of fluff, but you should try to usefully fill most of the space for the statement. If you leave three-fourths blank, selection committee members will assume you are not an interesting person, and that you have not done much to prepare yourself for the profession.
Avoid criticizing members of the profession. Some candidates try to argue that they want to become doctors, because they think they could do a better job than some of the professionals they have seen. This sets a negative tone, and invites a defensive reaction. Without being in a profession, you cannot fully appreciate the demands of the job, and the realities which often lead to less than ideal health care.
Avoid overusing "I's," or other words. When writing a personal comments essay, it is easy to use too many "I's," especially at the beginning of sentences. Some strategies for reducing I's include using other personal pronouns (e.g., we), chaining (e.g., I did this. I did that. I did the other = I did this, that and the other.), and removing unnecessary double I's (e.g., I believe I want = I want).
Avoid using contractions. The essay is a formal enough work that most writing guides suggest using full words rather than contractions (e.g., don't use "don't"). I have, however, seen a couple of essays in which the tone was so informal that contractions were a better fit.
Check your grammar. Some rules, like always putting subjects before verbs and never ending sentences with prepositions, are dated or never really were rules at all. Others, like getting your verbs to agree, are (not "is") still in effect. For the purpose of this essay, it's probably wise to follow both current and dated conventions. One of my favorite grammar links is http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index2.htm.
Have readers review your statement. Have friends, parents, recommendation writers (including a member of the profession), a department advisor, and English teachers review your statement. The folks in KU Writing Center, www.writing.ku.edu, can also help.
If you are a KU student, I am one of the people who is willing to help you refine your statement. E-mail is not a good medium for this kind of conversation, or for scheduling meetings. So, if you would like my help, call 864-3500 (M-F, 8-5), and the person who answers the phone will find a time that works. I will be available throughout most of the summer. I would prefer to see a later rather than earlier draft, and am not willing to look at revisions. I will offer general suggestions, but will not give highly directive feedback, because I want your statement to be your own work!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Writing tips- PS.
Overview of the Personal Statement
Personal statements are sometimes also called "application essays" or "statements of purpose." Whatever they are called, they are essentially essays which are written in response to a question or questions on a graduate or professional school application form which asks for some sort of sustained response.
Some applications ask more specific questions than others. There is no set formula to follow in shaping your response, only choices for you to make, such as whether you should write an essay that is more autobiographically focused or one that is more professionally focused.
From application to application, requested personal statements also vary widely in length, ranging from a couple of paragraphs to a series of essays of a page or so each.
Personal statements are most important when you are applying to an extremely competitive program, where all the applicants have high test scores and GPA's, and when you are a marginal candidate and need the essay to compensate for low test scores or a low GPA.
(back to top)
:: Context Considerations
How are personal statements read, and by whom? It's most likely that your personal statement will be read by professors who serve on an admissions committee in the department to which you are applying. It is important in developing your personal statement to carefully consider this audience. What are the areas of specialty of this department, and what might it be looking for in a graduate student?
Additionally, since personal statements will most often be read as part of your "package," they offer an opportunity to show aspects of yourself that will not be developed in other areas of your application. Obviously, it is important that personal statements are not simply prose formulations of material contained elsewhere in the application.
It may be helpful to think of the statement as the single opportunity in your package to allow the admissions committee to hear your voice. Often times, committees are sorting through large numbers of applications and essays, perhaps doing an initial quick sort to find the best applicants and then later reading some of the personal statements more thoroughly. Given that information, you will want your statement to readily engage the readers, and to clearly demonstrate what makes you a unique candidate--apart from the rest of the stack.
(back to top)
:: One Process for Writing the Personal Statement
1. Analyze the question(s) asked on a specific application.
2. Research the school and/or program to which you are applying.
3. Take a personal inventory (see below). Write out a 2-3 sentence response to each question.
4. Write your essay.
5. Revise your essay for form and content.
6. Ask someone else - preferably a faculty member in your area - to read your essay and make suggestions for further revision.
7. Revise again.
(back to top)
:: Personal Inventory Questions
: What makes you unique, or at least different from, any other applicant?
: What attracts you to your chosen career? What do you expect to get out of it?
: When did you initially become interested in this career? How has this interest developed? When did you become certain that this is what you wanted to do? What solidified your decision?
: What are your intellectual influences? What writers, books, professors, concepts in college have shaped you?
: How has your undergraduate academic experience prepared you for graduate/professional school?
: What are two or three of the academic accomplishments which have most prepared you?
: What research have you conducted? What did you learn from it?
: What non-academic experiences contributed to your choice of school and/or career? (work, volunteer, family)
: Do you have specific career plans? How does graduate or professional school pertain to them?
: How much more education are you interested in?
: What's the most important thing the admissions committee should know about you?
: Think of a professor in your field that you've had already and that you like and respect. If this person were reading your application essay, what would most impress him or her?
(back to top)
:: Do . . .
: Answer all the questions asked.
If you are applying to more than one program, you may find that each application asks a different question or setof questions, and that you don't really feel like writing a bunch of different responses. However, you should avoid the temptation to submit the same essay for different questions—it's far better to tailor your response to each question and each school.
If you do find yourself short on time and must tailor one basic essay to fit a number of different questions from a number of different schools, target your essay to your first-choice school, and keep in mind that the less your essay is suited to an application's particular questions, the more you may be jeopardizing your chances of being admitted to that school.
: Be honest and confident in your statements.
Use positive emphasis. Do not try to hide, make excuses for, or lie about your weaknesses. In some cases, a student needs to explain a weak component of his or her application, but in other cases it may be best not to mention those weaknesses at all. Rather, write an essay that focuses on your strengths.
: Write a coherent and interesting essay.
Make your first paragraph the best paragraph in your essay.
: Develop a thesis about yourself early in the essay and argue it throughout.
Each piece of information you give about yourself in the essay should somehow support your thesis.
: Pick two to four main topics for a one-page essay.
Don't summarize your entire life. Don't include needless details that take space away from a discussion of your professionalism, maturity, and ability to do intellectual work in your chosen field.
: Use the personal statement as a form of introduction.
Think of the essay as not only an answer to a specific question but as an opportunity to introduce yourself, especially if your program doesn't interview applicants.
: Ask yourself the following questions as you edit for content:
: Are my goals well articulated?
: Do I explain why I have selected this school and/or program in particular?
: Do I demonstrate knowledge of this school or program?
: Do I include interesting details that prove my claims about myself?
: Is my tone confident?
: Make sure your essay is absolutely perfect spelling, mechanics.
: Use technical terminology and such techniques as passive voice where appropriate.
You should write clearly and interestingly, yet also speak in a voice appropriate to your field.
(back to top)
:: Don't . . .
: Write what you think the admissions committee wants to hear. You are probably wrong, and such a response is likely to make you blend into the crowd rather than stand out from it.
: Use empty, vague, over-used words like meaningful, beautiful, challenging, invaluable, or rewarding
: Overwrite or belabor a minor point about yourself.
: Repeat information directly from the application form itself unless you use it to illustrate a point or want to develop it further.
: Emphasize the negative. Again, the admissions committee already knows your GPA and test scores, and they probably are not interested in reading about how a list of events in your personal life caused you to perform poorly. Explain what you feel you need to, but emphasize the positive.
: Try to be funny. You don't want to take the risk they won't get the joke.
: Get too personal about religion, politics, or your lack of education (avoid emotional catharsis).
: Include footnotes, quotations from dead people, or long-winded and slow introductions.
: Use statements like "I've always wanted to be a. . ." or any other hackneyed phrases.
: Use gimmicks—too big of a risk on an application to a graduate or professional program.
: Allow any superficial errors in spelling, mechanics, grammar, punctuation, format, or printing to creep under your vigilant guard.
Personal statements are sometimes also called "application essays" or "statements of purpose." Whatever they are called, they are essentially essays which are written in response to a question or questions on a graduate or professional school application form which asks for some sort of sustained response.
Some applications ask more specific questions than others. There is no set formula to follow in shaping your response, only choices for you to make, such as whether you should write an essay that is more autobiographically focused or one that is more professionally focused.
From application to application, requested personal statements also vary widely in length, ranging from a couple of paragraphs to a series of essays of a page or so each.
Personal statements are most important when you are applying to an extremely competitive program, where all the applicants have high test scores and GPA's, and when you are a marginal candidate and need the essay to compensate for low test scores or a low GPA.
(back to top)
:: Context Considerations
How are personal statements read, and by whom? It's most likely that your personal statement will be read by professors who serve on an admissions committee in the department to which you are applying. It is important in developing your personal statement to carefully consider this audience. What are the areas of specialty of this department, and what might it be looking for in a graduate student?
Additionally, since personal statements will most often be read as part of your "package," they offer an opportunity to show aspects of yourself that will not be developed in other areas of your application. Obviously, it is important that personal statements are not simply prose formulations of material contained elsewhere in the application.
It may be helpful to think of the statement as the single opportunity in your package to allow the admissions committee to hear your voice. Often times, committees are sorting through large numbers of applications and essays, perhaps doing an initial quick sort to find the best applicants and then later reading some of the personal statements more thoroughly. Given that information, you will want your statement to readily engage the readers, and to clearly demonstrate what makes you a unique candidate--apart from the rest of the stack.
(back to top)
:: One Process for Writing the Personal Statement
1. Analyze the question(s) asked on a specific application.
2. Research the school and/or program to which you are applying.
3. Take a personal inventory (see below). Write out a 2-3 sentence response to each question.
4. Write your essay.
5. Revise your essay for form and content.
6. Ask someone else - preferably a faculty member in your area - to read your essay and make suggestions for further revision.
7. Revise again.
(back to top)
:: Personal Inventory Questions
: What makes you unique, or at least different from, any other applicant?
: What attracts you to your chosen career? What do you expect to get out of it?
: When did you initially become interested in this career? How has this interest developed? When did you become certain that this is what you wanted to do? What solidified your decision?
: What are your intellectual influences? What writers, books, professors, concepts in college have shaped you?
: How has your undergraduate academic experience prepared you for graduate/professional school?
: What are two or three of the academic accomplishments which have most prepared you?
: What research have you conducted? What did you learn from it?
: What non-academic experiences contributed to your choice of school and/or career? (work, volunteer, family)
: Do you have specific career plans? How does graduate or professional school pertain to them?
: How much more education are you interested in?
: What's the most important thing the admissions committee should know about you?
: Think of a professor in your field that you've had already and that you like and respect. If this person were reading your application essay, what would most impress him or her?
(back to top)
:: Do . . .
: Answer all the questions asked.
If you are applying to more than one program, you may find that each application asks a different question or setof questions, and that you don't really feel like writing a bunch of different responses. However, you should avoid the temptation to submit the same essay for different questions—it's far better to tailor your response to each question and each school.
If you do find yourself short on time and must tailor one basic essay to fit a number of different questions from a number of different schools, target your essay to your first-choice school, and keep in mind that the less your essay is suited to an application's particular questions, the more you may be jeopardizing your chances of being admitted to that school.
: Be honest and confident in your statements.
Use positive emphasis. Do not try to hide, make excuses for, or lie about your weaknesses. In some cases, a student needs to explain a weak component of his or her application, but in other cases it may be best not to mention those weaknesses at all. Rather, write an essay that focuses on your strengths.
: Write a coherent and interesting essay.
Make your first paragraph the best paragraph in your essay.
: Develop a thesis about yourself early in the essay and argue it throughout.
Each piece of information you give about yourself in the essay should somehow support your thesis.
: Pick two to four main topics for a one-page essay.
Don't summarize your entire life. Don't include needless details that take space away from a discussion of your professionalism, maturity, and ability to do intellectual work in your chosen field.
: Use the personal statement as a form of introduction.
Think of the essay as not only an answer to a specific question but as an opportunity to introduce yourself, especially if your program doesn't interview applicants.
: Ask yourself the following questions as you edit for content:
: Are my goals well articulated?
: Do I explain why I have selected this school and/or program in particular?
: Do I demonstrate knowledge of this school or program?
: Do I include interesting details that prove my claims about myself?
: Is my tone confident?
: Make sure your essay is absolutely perfect spelling, mechanics.
: Use technical terminology and such techniques as passive voice where appropriate.
You should write clearly and interestingly, yet also speak in a voice appropriate to your field.
(back to top)
:: Don't . . .
: Write what you think the admissions committee wants to hear. You are probably wrong, and such a response is likely to make you blend into the crowd rather than stand out from it.
: Use empty, vague, over-used words like meaningful, beautiful, challenging, invaluable, or rewarding
: Overwrite or belabor a minor point about yourself.
: Repeat information directly from the application form itself unless you use it to illustrate a point or want to develop it further.
: Emphasize the negative. Again, the admissions committee already knows your GPA and test scores, and they probably are not interested in reading about how a list of events in your personal life caused you to perform poorly. Explain what you feel you need to, but emphasize the positive.
: Try to be funny. You don't want to take the risk they won't get the joke.
: Get too personal about religion, politics, or your lack of education (avoid emotional catharsis).
: Include footnotes, quotations from dead people, or long-winded and slow introductions.
: Use statements like "I've always wanted to be a. . ." or any other hackneyed phrases.
: Use gimmicks—too big of a risk on an application to a graduate or professional program.
: Allow any superficial errors in spelling, mechanics, grammar, punctuation, format, or printing to creep under your vigilant guard.
AMA- MD residents advice about PS.
Why is the personal statement so important? It is important because it is the only part of your application that is not based on test scores or other people’s perceptions of you. For this reason committees place a heavy emphasis on the personal statement. It is the one part of your application that you have complete control of and allows you to make a personal case for yourself. Because of these reasons, however, it is so very difficult to write.
There are some basic questions that you need to address in your personal statement. These are usually divided into three paragraphs that address: 1) what got you interested in the field that you have chosen; 2) what are you looking for in a residency program; and 3) what are your expected goals in the field you have chosen. You are always free to add other commentary that is relevant to the above topics. But, make sure you discuss these 3 topics in your essay.
Your personal statement should fit onto one page when it is printed from the ERAS system. You can test this prior to submitting your statement to residency programs.
Some helpful suggestions in getting started:
1. Go back to your medical school application essay. Some students find it useful to look at that as a basis for their residency statement. Specifically the introductory and final paragraphs.
2. Find out if your school has a writing office, which can help you with your statement.
3. Use a theme to structure your essay. This helps unite all aspects of your statement.
4. Provide concrete examples that pertain to your life, goals and experiences.
5. Be concise. Refrain from using a lot of unnecessary words.
6. Begin your essay with an attention grabber: a quote, a story, an anecdote, or a riddle.
7. Finish your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the beginning of your statement and restates the theme.
8. Have your departmental program director evaluate/critique your statement. Remember they have probably seen thousands of essays and is most likely the best authority at your institution to evaluate your work.
9. Don’t be afraid to start from scratch if your essay is not working.
10. Do write about what interests you, excites you. Your reader wants to hear a positive essay not a negative one about the profession.
Mistakes to avoid in a personal statement:
1. Underestimating the importance of the personal statement.
2. Underestimating the time and difficulty involved in developing the personal statement.
3. Lack of “flow”. You read the essay and have no idea what the applicant is trying to say. They jump from one tangent to another. When reading a statement like this I would rather not read the essay at all. To prevent this error you need not one, not two, but at least three people to read your essay and give you feedback. You need to revise your essay several times. Therefore, you cannot start working on the essay one week before it is due. I recommend starting to work on your personal statement in July. Remember that most attendings will ask for a copy of your personal statement in order to write a letter of recommendation. You therefore need to start early.
4. Spelling and Grammar mistakes. These can kill you. It says a lot about an applicant if they have not taken the time to carefully proof read their essay. Is this someone who pays attention to detail and will spend time taking care of patients in my hospital? No!
5. Avoid clichés.
6. Making the writing process a group effort. This does not work.
7. Being too cute. This is not an essay for college admissions where originality/strangeness is applauded. Keep it simple to the point and address the issues I have brought up before.
8. Procrastinating until the very end to begin your statement. You need to start months in advance.
9. Failing to let yourself come through. This goes back to trying to make your statement too cute. You do not want to show up to an interview and have the interviewer thinking: Am I speaking to the same person that wrote this statement?
10. Including topics in the statement that if asked to discuss you would not be able to answer, such as particular research points, volunteer activities, etc…
Sample Personal Statement
Early in medical school, I suspected I would chose a field in medicine based on a long-standing fascination with the complexity and varied nature of disease processes. With an open eye, I embarked on a rigorous year of clinical clerkships. However, while rotating through medicine, my initial interests were solidified. I found the ability to connect with patients and the development of strong emotional ties all encompassing. When taking care of patients I was focusing not on one, but multiple body systems.
The marriage in medicine between pathophysiology and man is best exemplified by MP. I had begun my month in hematology when I was first consulted on his case. Recently transferred from an OSH for management of “the worst case” of ERCP induced pancreatitis anyone had seen, his diminished platelet count of 30,000, PT of 16, and numerous schistocytes led me to believe it was disseminated intravascular coagulation(DIC). As his underlying pancreatitis was controlled his DIC resolved. The following week, now as part of the infectious disease team, I was seeing him again, this time for continual spiking fevers to 103 degrees despite negative cultures and a trial of antibiotics. Since cultures of his pancreatic cysts had been negative, we went ahead and stopped all antibiotics, and waited, believing this to be a drug fever. The days passed and MP remained in the hospital, with out much change. I moved on the the liver service, which had been his primary team, and eventually left him still fighting for his life – and me wondering if there was anything different that we could have done. Although fractured at time, I found the relationship which I developed with him and his family to be the most rewarding experience I have had as a medical student.
During medical school I have used the opportunities afforded me to broaden my networking and educational experiences in pursuit of a more well rounded medical education. During the summer after my first year I spent a month in one of the university hospitals in Madrid, Spain, gaining insight into the differences and similarities inherent in our health care systems. I found that medicine abroad is much more holistic and spiritual when compared to our system. My goal when I returned was to share these findings with my classmates. I began acting on this interest by revitalizing the William Pepper Medical Society under the guidance of the Department Chairman, Dr. Peter Traber. My responsibilities include recruiting medicine faculty to lecture students interested in internal medicine on topics that are not covered by the traditional medical curriculum, such as medical futility and alternative medicine. For many students in their pre-clinical years, this forum serves as an introduction to the field of medicine, and hence is of enormous import in medical education at the University of Pennsylvania. Another of the intriguing challenges that I have faced at Penn includes living with nine other medical students at Nu Sigma Nu, a medical school co-op. Being able to work as a team with many diverse personalities had been a formidable task, but, one that has shown me that many times you need to step back, let go of your ego and think of the broader picture. Only then can you proceed. For the next tree years, I hope to join a program that will impart a solid foundation in the science and technical practice of medicine while maintaining a personal connection with the patients I see. Eventually I aspire to a career in academic medicine, which will allow me to increase my effectiveness as an educator and researcher. Academia allows for a continuous exchange of ideas as well as interaction among colleagues enabling me to contribute and keep up to date with new advances in medicine. The training and rigors of an academic institution will also strengthen my interests in combining clinical research with that o patient care. By partaking in such activities I will also be acting as an educator passing my insights to rising residents and medical students.
As someone who has always been very goal-oriented, I am looking forward to beginning my residency. My life to date has prepared me to deal with many obstacles and also has shown me the determination, resilience, strength, and caring that are a part of my character. As I look toward my future in medicine, I believe these characteristics will enable me to succeed and be a valuable asset to the profession. My experiences have been very rewarding because I have identified with patients and admired their courage in the face of an uncertain prognosis. I anticipate that working in internal medicine will be equally rewarding and look forward with enthusiasm.
There are some basic questions that you need to address in your personal statement. These are usually divided into three paragraphs that address: 1) what got you interested in the field that you have chosen; 2) what are you looking for in a residency program; and 3) what are your expected goals in the field you have chosen. You are always free to add other commentary that is relevant to the above topics. But, make sure you discuss these 3 topics in your essay.
Your personal statement should fit onto one page when it is printed from the ERAS system. You can test this prior to submitting your statement to residency programs.
Some helpful suggestions in getting started:
1. Go back to your medical school application essay. Some students find it useful to look at that as a basis for their residency statement. Specifically the introductory and final paragraphs.
2. Find out if your school has a writing office, which can help you with your statement.
3. Use a theme to structure your essay. This helps unite all aspects of your statement.
4. Provide concrete examples that pertain to your life, goals and experiences.
5. Be concise. Refrain from using a lot of unnecessary words.
6. Begin your essay with an attention grabber: a quote, a story, an anecdote, or a riddle.
7. Finish your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the beginning of your statement and restates the theme.
8. Have your departmental program director evaluate/critique your statement. Remember they have probably seen thousands of essays and is most likely the best authority at your institution to evaluate your work.
9. Don’t be afraid to start from scratch if your essay is not working.
10. Do write about what interests you, excites you. Your reader wants to hear a positive essay not a negative one about the profession.
Mistakes to avoid in a personal statement:
1. Underestimating the importance of the personal statement.
2. Underestimating the time and difficulty involved in developing the personal statement.
3. Lack of “flow”. You read the essay and have no idea what the applicant is trying to say. They jump from one tangent to another. When reading a statement like this I would rather not read the essay at all. To prevent this error you need not one, not two, but at least three people to read your essay and give you feedback. You need to revise your essay several times. Therefore, you cannot start working on the essay one week before it is due. I recommend starting to work on your personal statement in July. Remember that most attendings will ask for a copy of your personal statement in order to write a letter of recommendation. You therefore need to start early.
4. Spelling and Grammar mistakes. These can kill you. It says a lot about an applicant if they have not taken the time to carefully proof read their essay. Is this someone who pays attention to detail and will spend time taking care of patients in my hospital? No!
5. Avoid clichés.
6. Making the writing process a group effort. This does not work.
7. Being too cute. This is not an essay for college admissions where originality/strangeness is applauded. Keep it simple to the point and address the issues I have brought up before.
8. Procrastinating until the very end to begin your statement. You need to start months in advance.
9. Failing to let yourself come through. This goes back to trying to make your statement too cute. You do not want to show up to an interview and have the interviewer thinking: Am I speaking to the same person that wrote this statement?
10. Including topics in the statement that if asked to discuss you would not be able to answer, such as particular research points, volunteer activities, etc…
Sample Personal Statement
Early in medical school, I suspected I would chose a field in medicine based on a long-standing fascination with the complexity and varied nature of disease processes. With an open eye, I embarked on a rigorous year of clinical clerkships. However, while rotating through medicine, my initial interests were solidified. I found the ability to connect with patients and the development of strong emotional ties all encompassing. When taking care of patients I was focusing not on one, but multiple body systems.
The marriage in medicine between pathophysiology and man is best exemplified by MP. I had begun my month in hematology when I was first consulted on his case. Recently transferred from an OSH for management of “the worst case” of ERCP induced pancreatitis anyone had seen, his diminished platelet count of 30,000, PT of 16, and numerous schistocytes led me to believe it was disseminated intravascular coagulation(DIC). As his underlying pancreatitis was controlled his DIC resolved. The following week, now as part of the infectious disease team, I was seeing him again, this time for continual spiking fevers to 103 degrees despite negative cultures and a trial of antibiotics. Since cultures of his pancreatic cysts had been negative, we went ahead and stopped all antibiotics, and waited, believing this to be a drug fever. The days passed and MP remained in the hospital, with out much change. I moved on the the liver service, which had been his primary team, and eventually left him still fighting for his life – and me wondering if there was anything different that we could have done. Although fractured at time, I found the relationship which I developed with him and his family to be the most rewarding experience I have had as a medical student.
During medical school I have used the opportunities afforded me to broaden my networking and educational experiences in pursuit of a more well rounded medical education. During the summer after my first year I spent a month in one of the university hospitals in Madrid, Spain, gaining insight into the differences and similarities inherent in our health care systems. I found that medicine abroad is much more holistic and spiritual when compared to our system. My goal when I returned was to share these findings with my classmates. I began acting on this interest by revitalizing the William Pepper Medical Society under the guidance of the Department Chairman, Dr. Peter Traber. My responsibilities include recruiting medicine faculty to lecture students interested in internal medicine on topics that are not covered by the traditional medical curriculum, such as medical futility and alternative medicine. For many students in their pre-clinical years, this forum serves as an introduction to the field of medicine, and hence is of enormous import in medical education at the University of Pennsylvania. Another of the intriguing challenges that I have faced at Penn includes living with nine other medical students at Nu Sigma Nu, a medical school co-op. Being able to work as a team with many diverse personalities had been a formidable task, but, one that has shown me that many times you need to step back, let go of your ego and think of the broader picture. Only then can you proceed. For the next tree years, I hope to join a program that will impart a solid foundation in the science and technical practice of medicine while maintaining a personal connection with the patients I see. Eventually I aspire to a career in academic medicine, which will allow me to increase my effectiveness as an educator and researcher. Academia allows for a continuous exchange of ideas as well as interaction among colleagues enabling me to contribute and keep up to date with new advances in medicine. The training and rigors of an academic institution will also strengthen my interests in combining clinical research with that o patient care. By partaking in such activities I will also be acting as an educator passing my insights to rising residents and medical students.
As someone who has always been very goal-oriented, I am looking forward to beginning my residency. My life to date has prepared me to deal with many obstacles and also has shown me the determination, resilience, strength, and caring that are a part of my character. As I look toward my future in medicine, I believe these characteristics will enable me to succeed and be a valuable asset to the profession. My experiences have been very rewarding because I have identified with patients and admired their courage in the face of an uncertain prognosis. I anticipate that working in internal medicine will be equally rewarding and look forward with enthusiasm.
Tips for writing Personal Statement.
I. Some Words on Structure
Structure refers to how you choose to present the information in your personal statement. Good structure will make your piece flow, and enhance the reader's ability to understand what you are trying to get across.
Some people can write well without thinking too much about structure. They naturally organize their information to be seamless, transitioning well between points and making their comments relevant to a theme. Most people, however, need to work at it a little more. Here are some very basic tips on how to make sure your personal statement has good structure.
Choose a FOCUS
What is it?
Focus refers to the main point of your statement. Sometimes it is called a theme. Most of what you say in your statement will contribute to supporting your focus. In the very broadest sense, the focus of all medical school personal statements is "Why I Should Be Accepted to Medical School,". However, you need to choose something a little more subtle and personal to make a positive impression. Your focus should entail a value or an observation that has shaped you as a person. Most of the time a focus is an abstract quality: the desire to help others, the importance of individual contribution, the drive to unite science and compassion.
How to choose it.
Because of the abstract nature of focus, it can seem like a daunting task to choose one for your personal statement. Instead of sitting down and trying to come up with abstraction that you think defines you, it is much easier to come up with a list of experiences that have had an impact on your life. You can then examine the experiences to see what, exactly, about them made them important. This will often yield a good focus.
Here are some tips to consider when choosing an experience to evaluate for a focus:
It should be unique. It does not have to be life shattering, but you should be able to write about it with conviction, enthusiasm and authority.
It should be an experience you feel some passion for. You must be able to support it as a "turning point" in your life. Ask yourself, "How did I change as a result of this experience?" For example, did it give you a new perspective or understanding, did it give you a new direction in life, or help you come to an important realization?
Don't limit yourself to thinking of experiences that can translate well into the moral of " . . . and that's why I want to be a doctor." Choose something that you feel is truly representative of you, and something that you feel you can use to transition to other relevant aspects of your life. Otherwise, your statement may come off sounding staged or strained.
It should be sustainable throughout your statement. In other words it has to have enough depth and flexibility to carry you through your statement while avoiding repetition. The details of the event should afford you opportunity to talk about related experiences that you want the people who are considering your for an interview to know.
Can you give me an example?
Perhaps am experience that impacted you was the time you were thrown from your horse and dislocated your hip on the day before an important riding competition. It was a pivotal experience because it was the first time you were a patient with a serious injury, and because it was the biggest disappointment of your life. While in the hospital, your roommate was a woman who had just had both of her legs amputated due to diabetes. One possible focus that could be derived from this experience is how you learned how to put the elements you your life in perspective. This is a lesson that might have helped you in ensuing experiences, and you could outline ways that it could help you during medical school, or as a doctor.
There are also many ways to use the experience to talk about other issues involved in becoming a doctor. You could talk about how you felt as a patient, and the things about your treatment that you appreciated. Perhaps your doctors were attentive to your deep disappointment as well as to your injury. You could talk about how you used the time away from riding to develop an interest in sports medicine, or volunteering, or riding instruction, or psychology The possibilities of a well-chosen experience are limitless. As long as the experience was memorable and formed you in some way, it is a good candidate for the production of focus.
Create a FRAME for your FOCUS:
What is it?
When most people think of frames, they think of the structure around a picture, or the structure that holds something up-like a skeleton or building frame. That is a pretty accurate way to think about the frame in writing, too. A frame will give your statement a shape. It will provide a concrete way for you to introduce and talk about your focus.
Most of the time, if you've come up with a good experience from which to draw a focus, you can use details of the same experience for your frame. While the focus is often an abstract idea, the frame consists of concrete details-places, people, action It provides a means for anchoring your focus by setting a scene.
Many people think of the frame as a story, and in a lot of ways it is. In a personal statement, it usually consists of an anecdote that is introduced at the beginning of your statement and is brought to some sort of closure at the end.
Can you give me an example?
Keeping with the experience we used to derive a focus, here is an example of how frame might function to open a personal statement:
Nothing was more important to me on that warm morning in June than the upcoming competition. I'd been riding horses since I was six, and tomorrow I'd be riding the most difficult jump course of my life. I'd come out early to practice, and although it was sunny, there was still dew in the grass. The first time around the course I heard my horse's hooves click against the top bar of barriers twice. Determined to have a perfect sweep, I sent her into the course a second time without stopping for a breather. My impatience cost me dearly. As my horse gathered herself to clear the third and largest fence of the course, I felt her falter and leaned forward to encourage her. My last minute adjustment didn't help. The barrier caught her at the knees and we crashed down together.
Of course, you don't want to use up too much of your limited space just setting a scene. Make sure your frame serves multiple purposes:
It introduces the occasion of the focus
It introduces you
It is creative enough to spark interest in the rest of your statement
By framing the statement with an anecdote, you provide your audience with immediate access to some aspect of your past, your character, and your personality. Also, you give them incentive to read on to find our what happens next.
Make sure you return, even if it is only in a cursory way, to the frame at the end of the statement. Often, this is a good opportunity to summarize the important points of your statement and tie them together into a concluding observation.
What is a concluding observation?
The concluding observation is a restatement of your focus, but in a way that shows how it has evolved over time from a lesson that you learned as a result of a specific event into a bit of wisdom that you've found useful to apply to other situations in your life--and that will continue to serve you in medical school and as a doctor.
Here is how the frame and concluding observation might function at the end of a statement:
I'm sometimes a bit ashamed when I think that I had to dislocate my hip in order to learn that my approach to life was limiting my horizons. The first day that I returned to the saddle I was too sore to do more than ride very slowly through the fields near the stables. I remember that it was be best ride of my life, and to this day I only ride my horse for pleasure, not competition. To be honest, it's because I haven't had the time! My accident forced me away from a consuming passion and gave me the opportunity to discover other treasures in my life, treasures that to this day I find more rewarding than competitive riding. The foremost of those pleasures has been working at the summer camps for children who have lost arms and legs to amputation. I want to continue to broaden myself in medical school and beyond so that I might encounter yet more treasures along the path to becoming a pediatric surgeon.
Create Strong TRANSITIONS
Transitions refer to the language you use to move from one idea to the next. Most of the time transitions are accompanied by a paragraph break. You should never assume, however, that a paragraph break is enough of an indication that you are leaving one idea behind and moving on to another.
One way to check for clear transitions is to make sure the first sentence of every paragraph is somehow related to the last sentence in the previous paragraph. Even when you need to shift gears pretty drastically, you should find a way to create a "bridge" between your ideas.
If you have chosen a strong focus and frame, your transitions will come much easier. This is because you can use your frame and focus as a sort of hub that is the origin of each new idea that you choose to explore in your statement.
In addition to making sure that you transition well between your ideas, you should also make sure that your ideas are presented in a logical order that your reader can identify and follow. Many students choose to use chronological order. You might choose to order things from most to least important, or use categorize your ideas (e.g. academics, volunteer experience, work experience, etc.) Whatever order you choose, be faithful to it
II. Some Words on Style
Style refers to how you choose to use words to say what you have to say. There are a lot of different styles, and many of them are acceptable for a personal statement. However, you don't want to compromise on several points:
Grammar
Make sure that your syntax is correct. Not only must you be fastidious about basics such as spelling and subject verb agreement, you should pay careful attention to your form. Make sure that you don't have sentence fragments or run on sentences. Use punctuation correctly. Always have someone proofread your statement, and if grammar is not your thing, have someone who is good at grammar check your statement for errors.
Follow Through and Flesh Out
If you bring raise issues, be prepared to follow through on them and offer explanation or background. A common mistake is to make a statement and then assume that the reader will be able to place it as relevant. You must be explicit, and make sure that you round out the issues you raise with supporting details. For example, if you introduce the fact that you are a single mother, you must make sure that it is relevant to your focus, and you should offer details about how it is relevant. If you say that your desire to become a doctor started after your trip to Mexico, you need to tell why this is so. If you say, "I didn't think I'd ever make it at a college like Carnegie Mellon," give the reasons that you felt this way. Sometimes writers rely too much on meaning that they believe to be implicit and leave the reader with questions. Remember, the person reading your essay knows very little about you, your life experiences, your character, or your personality. Be clear.
Show, Don't Tell
This is the most valuable--and most cited--piece of advice given to writers. Writing that is preachy or full of generalities sheds little light onto the character of the writer and, worse, is boring. You can be perfectly technically correct in your prose, but if you're just telling and not showing, you are not communicating.
Here is an example of writing that tells a lot, but really doesn't say much:
The medical profession combines knowledge and wisdom from just about every aspect of life which is directed towards helping humanity. A physician is not just part of the heath care team but the leader of the health care team. He is free to practice broadly or to acquire a specialty of his own choosing. Thus medicine offers the challenges and fulfillment that I am seeking in a career.
These statements profess truths that might be indisputable, but they are also full of platitudes and common knowledge and offer the reader no real information. This sort of general language of telling should be avoided at all costs.
Often when writing personal statements, students fall into the habit of telling and not showing in an effort to squeeze in all their accomplishments, resume-style. They resort to lists:
My desire to work with people is demonstrated by my many interactions as a volunteer. In 1997 I aided elderly and blind residents at the Homewood Retirement Community read their mail and write letters. The following summer, I served food at the local homeless shelter. As secretary of my high school chapter of SADD, I arranged for speakers at several community and school fundraisers. In addition to my volunteer activities, I've held a job since I was twelve. I worked on my uncles farm until I started ninth grade, at which time I was able to get a position as dish washer at a family restaurant. When I got my driver's license, I took a cashier's job at the gift store at Mercy Hospital in Altoona.
Although these accomplishments might be important to an application to medical school, they shouldn't appear list-like in a personal statement.
The reader doesn't get a sense for why you did these things, or how you felt about them, or what you learned.
Here are some ways that you can be sure to show and not tell:
Use sensory details to help set scenes. Note what the sky looks like, what color a child's dress is, how the food smells. Make sure your reader is right there with you.
Share your personal emotions and indicate how your surroundings affected you. This will give the reader a better idea of your individualism and make experiences that are common seem unique.
Be anecdotal and use examples to illustrate your observations.
Write with the intention of communicating something original. Don't just put down what you think the reader wants to hear.
Avoid general commentary.
Structure refers to how you choose to present the information in your personal statement. Good structure will make your piece flow, and enhance the reader's ability to understand what you are trying to get across.
Some people can write well without thinking too much about structure. They naturally organize their information to be seamless, transitioning well between points and making their comments relevant to a theme. Most people, however, need to work at it a little more. Here are some very basic tips on how to make sure your personal statement has good structure.
Choose a FOCUS
What is it?
Focus refers to the main point of your statement. Sometimes it is called a theme. Most of what you say in your statement will contribute to supporting your focus. In the very broadest sense, the focus of all medical school personal statements is "Why I Should Be Accepted to Medical School,". However, you need to choose something a little more subtle and personal to make a positive impression. Your focus should entail a value or an observation that has shaped you as a person. Most of the time a focus is an abstract quality: the desire to help others, the importance of individual contribution, the drive to unite science and compassion.
How to choose it.
Because of the abstract nature of focus, it can seem like a daunting task to choose one for your personal statement. Instead of sitting down and trying to come up with abstraction that you think defines you, it is much easier to come up with a list of experiences that have had an impact on your life. You can then examine the experiences to see what, exactly, about them made them important. This will often yield a good focus.
Here are some tips to consider when choosing an experience to evaluate for a focus:
It should be unique. It does not have to be life shattering, but you should be able to write about it with conviction, enthusiasm and authority.
It should be an experience you feel some passion for. You must be able to support it as a "turning point" in your life. Ask yourself, "How did I change as a result of this experience?" For example, did it give you a new perspective or understanding, did it give you a new direction in life, or help you come to an important realization?
Don't limit yourself to thinking of experiences that can translate well into the moral of " . . . and that's why I want to be a doctor." Choose something that you feel is truly representative of you, and something that you feel you can use to transition to other relevant aspects of your life. Otherwise, your statement may come off sounding staged or strained.
It should be sustainable throughout your statement. In other words it has to have enough depth and flexibility to carry you through your statement while avoiding repetition. The details of the event should afford you opportunity to talk about related experiences that you want the people who are considering your for an interview to know.
Can you give me an example?
Perhaps am experience that impacted you was the time you were thrown from your horse and dislocated your hip on the day before an important riding competition. It was a pivotal experience because it was the first time you were a patient with a serious injury, and because it was the biggest disappointment of your life. While in the hospital, your roommate was a woman who had just had both of her legs amputated due to diabetes. One possible focus that could be derived from this experience is how you learned how to put the elements you your life in perspective. This is a lesson that might have helped you in ensuing experiences, and you could outline ways that it could help you during medical school, or as a doctor.
There are also many ways to use the experience to talk about other issues involved in becoming a doctor. You could talk about how you felt as a patient, and the things about your treatment that you appreciated. Perhaps your doctors were attentive to your deep disappointment as well as to your injury. You could talk about how you used the time away from riding to develop an interest in sports medicine, or volunteering, or riding instruction, or psychology The possibilities of a well-chosen experience are limitless. As long as the experience was memorable and formed you in some way, it is a good candidate for the production of focus.
Create a FRAME for your FOCUS:
What is it?
When most people think of frames, they think of the structure around a picture, or the structure that holds something up-like a skeleton or building frame. That is a pretty accurate way to think about the frame in writing, too. A frame will give your statement a shape. It will provide a concrete way for you to introduce and talk about your focus.
Most of the time, if you've come up with a good experience from which to draw a focus, you can use details of the same experience for your frame. While the focus is often an abstract idea, the frame consists of concrete details-places, people, action It provides a means for anchoring your focus by setting a scene.
Many people think of the frame as a story, and in a lot of ways it is. In a personal statement, it usually consists of an anecdote that is introduced at the beginning of your statement and is brought to some sort of closure at the end.
Can you give me an example?
Keeping with the experience we used to derive a focus, here is an example of how frame might function to open a personal statement:
Nothing was more important to me on that warm morning in June than the upcoming competition. I'd been riding horses since I was six, and tomorrow I'd be riding the most difficult jump course of my life. I'd come out early to practice, and although it was sunny, there was still dew in the grass. The first time around the course I heard my horse's hooves click against the top bar of barriers twice. Determined to have a perfect sweep, I sent her into the course a second time without stopping for a breather. My impatience cost me dearly. As my horse gathered herself to clear the third and largest fence of the course, I felt her falter and leaned forward to encourage her. My last minute adjustment didn't help. The barrier caught her at the knees and we crashed down together.
Of course, you don't want to use up too much of your limited space just setting a scene. Make sure your frame serves multiple purposes:
It introduces the occasion of the focus
It introduces you
It is creative enough to spark interest in the rest of your statement
By framing the statement with an anecdote, you provide your audience with immediate access to some aspect of your past, your character, and your personality. Also, you give them incentive to read on to find our what happens next.
Make sure you return, even if it is only in a cursory way, to the frame at the end of the statement. Often, this is a good opportunity to summarize the important points of your statement and tie them together into a concluding observation.
What is a concluding observation?
The concluding observation is a restatement of your focus, but in a way that shows how it has evolved over time from a lesson that you learned as a result of a specific event into a bit of wisdom that you've found useful to apply to other situations in your life--and that will continue to serve you in medical school and as a doctor.
Here is how the frame and concluding observation might function at the end of a statement:
I'm sometimes a bit ashamed when I think that I had to dislocate my hip in order to learn that my approach to life was limiting my horizons. The first day that I returned to the saddle I was too sore to do more than ride very slowly through the fields near the stables. I remember that it was be best ride of my life, and to this day I only ride my horse for pleasure, not competition. To be honest, it's because I haven't had the time! My accident forced me away from a consuming passion and gave me the opportunity to discover other treasures in my life, treasures that to this day I find more rewarding than competitive riding. The foremost of those pleasures has been working at the summer camps for children who have lost arms and legs to amputation. I want to continue to broaden myself in medical school and beyond so that I might encounter yet more treasures along the path to becoming a pediatric surgeon.
Create Strong TRANSITIONS
Transitions refer to the language you use to move from one idea to the next. Most of the time transitions are accompanied by a paragraph break. You should never assume, however, that a paragraph break is enough of an indication that you are leaving one idea behind and moving on to another.
One way to check for clear transitions is to make sure the first sentence of every paragraph is somehow related to the last sentence in the previous paragraph. Even when you need to shift gears pretty drastically, you should find a way to create a "bridge" between your ideas.
If you have chosen a strong focus and frame, your transitions will come much easier. This is because you can use your frame and focus as a sort of hub that is the origin of each new idea that you choose to explore in your statement.
In addition to making sure that you transition well between your ideas, you should also make sure that your ideas are presented in a logical order that your reader can identify and follow. Many students choose to use chronological order. You might choose to order things from most to least important, or use categorize your ideas (e.g. academics, volunteer experience, work experience, etc.) Whatever order you choose, be faithful to it
II. Some Words on Style
Style refers to how you choose to use words to say what you have to say. There are a lot of different styles, and many of them are acceptable for a personal statement. However, you don't want to compromise on several points:
Grammar
Make sure that your syntax is correct. Not only must you be fastidious about basics such as spelling and subject verb agreement, you should pay careful attention to your form. Make sure that you don't have sentence fragments or run on sentences. Use punctuation correctly. Always have someone proofread your statement, and if grammar is not your thing, have someone who is good at grammar check your statement for errors.
Follow Through and Flesh Out
If you bring raise issues, be prepared to follow through on them and offer explanation or background. A common mistake is to make a statement and then assume that the reader will be able to place it as relevant. You must be explicit, and make sure that you round out the issues you raise with supporting details. For example, if you introduce the fact that you are a single mother, you must make sure that it is relevant to your focus, and you should offer details about how it is relevant. If you say that your desire to become a doctor started after your trip to Mexico, you need to tell why this is so. If you say, "I didn't think I'd ever make it at a college like Carnegie Mellon," give the reasons that you felt this way. Sometimes writers rely too much on meaning that they believe to be implicit and leave the reader with questions. Remember, the person reading your essay knows very little about you, your life experiences, your character, or your personality. Be clear.
Show, Don't Tell
This is the most valuable--and most cited--piece of advice given to writers. Writing that is preachy or full of generalities sheds little light onto the character of the writer and, worse, is boring. You can be perfectly technically correct in your prose, but if you're just telling and not showing, you are not communicating.
Here is an example of writing that tells a lot, but really doesn't say much:
The medical profession combines knowledge and wisdom from just about every aspect of life which is directed towards helping humanity. A physician is not just part of the heath care team but the leader of the health care team. He is free to practice broadly or to acquire a specialty of his own choosing. Thus medicine offers the challenges and fulfillment that I am seeking in a career.
These statements profess truths that might be indisputable, but they are also full of platitudes and common knowledge and offer the reader no real information. This sort of general language of telling should be avoided at all costs.
Often when writing personal statements, students fall into the habit of telling and not showing in an effort to squeeze in all their accomplishments, resume-style. They resort to lists:
My desire to work with people is demonstrated by my many interactions as a volunteer. In 1997 I aided elderly and blind residents at the Homewood Retirement Community read their mail and write letters. The following summer, I served food at the local homeless shelter. As secretary of my high school chapter of SADD, I arranged for speakers at several community and school fundraisers. In addition to my volunteer activities, I've held a job since I was twelve. I worked on my uncles farm until I started ninth grade, at which time I was able to get a position as dish washer at a family restaurant. When I got my driver's license, I took a cashier's job at the gift store at Mercy Hospital in Altoona.
Although these accomplishments might be important to an application to medical school, they shouldn't appear list-like in a personal statement.
The reader doesn't get a sense for why you did these things, or how you felt about them, or what you learned.
Here are some ways that you can be sure to show and not tell:
Use sensory details to help set scenes. Note what the sky looks like, what color a child's dress is, how the food smells. Make sure your reader is right there with you.
Share your personal emotions and indicate how your surroundings affected you. This will give the reader a better idea of your individualism and make experiences that are common seem unique.
Be anecdotal and use examples to illustrate your observations.
Write with the intention of communicating something original. Don't just put down what you think the reader wants to hear.
Avoid general commentary.
PS: Conclusion Paragraph
Your conclusion is your chance to extend your essay's parameters and to demonstrate the significance of your experience in a larger context A conclusion is not a repeat or summary of ideas presented elsewhere in the essay or application. Instead, it should re-affirm the validity of your essay's theme. This means that your conclusion should widen the lens rather than narrow the focus.
Here's an example of a poor conclusion:
I hope that this has helped you see me more as an individual. Whatever challenge is handed to me I give it my best effort. If my goals are a little far from my reach, I push harder. I know that if I don't reach my destination, I will understand. I will never quite and never think negatively. My hopes and dreams may be similar to others, but how I go about reaching my goals are different. This difference between us all is what determines our individuality.
This type of conclusion relies on predictable language about goals and dreams and does not seem to be directly connected to any theme. In fact, this conclusion could be tacked on to the end of just about any college essay, which means it is not particularly significant to the essay to which it belongs.
Here's an example of a poor conclusion:
I hope that this has helped you see me more as an individual. Whatever challenge is handed to me I give it my best effort. If my goals are a little far from my reach, I push harder. I know that if I don't reach my destination, I will understand. I will never quite and never think negatively. My hopes and dreams may be similar to others, but how I go about reaching my goals are different. This difference between us all is what determines our individuality.
This type of conclusion relies on predictable language about goals and dreams and does not seem to be directly connected to any theme. In fact, this conclusion could be tacked on to the end of just about any college essay, which means it is not particularly significant to the essay to which it belongs.
Body Paragraph
Body paragraphs are the meat of your essay, and as such are the most important component of your essay. In the body paragraphs, you will expand upon and provide support for the theme you introduced in the first paragraph and will provide the details that move that theme forward. A two page essay will typically contain 2-4 body paragraphs. Each paragraph contains:
A topic sentence that expands your theme and makes a transition from the previous paragraph
Development of ideas that support your essay's theme
An ending sentence that wraps up the paragraph and helps to transition into the next paragraph
The first body paragraph is the place to start building your support for your theme. Here you will begin with the smallest components of your theme and, in subsequent paragraphs, work toward the most significant. Or you can organize chronologically. Try both methods and see which one is most persuasive for your particular theme.
TIP: As you draft each paragraph, use the following Signpost Questions in as you develop your essay to help ensure that you have developed your paragraphs fully.
Introduction and/or First Body Paragraph
What are my values and philosophies about my theme? What is the basis of these values?
Body Paragraphs 2-4
What accomplishment am I most proud of, and why?
What incident/event provides evidence of my responsibility, and how?
What difficulties or disadvantages have I faced and how did I overcome them? (This is especially important if you are applying for the Educational Opportunity Program (EOP).
What is one area in which I am weak, and how have I overcome it?
TIP: Avoid simplistic transitions between paragraphs. If your topic sentences (generally the first sentence in each paragraph) all begin with some sort of numerical transition (first, second, third, finally), or you find yourself relying to heavily on "also" to move your paragraphs forward, look for more interesting and sophisticated transition words and phrases to move the essay along.
A topic sentence that expands your theme and makes a transition from the previous paragraph
Development of ideas that support your essay's theme
An ending sentence that wraps up the paragraph and helps to transition into the next paragraph
The first body paragraph is the place to start building your support for your theme. Here you will begin with the smallest components of your theme and, in subsequent paragraphs, work toward the most significant. Or you can organize chronologically. Try both methods and see which one is most persuasive for your particular theme.
TIP: As you draft each paragraph, use the following Signpost Questions in as you develop your essay to help ensure that you have developed your paragraphs fully.
Introduction and/or First Body Paragraph
What are my values and philosophies about my theme? What is the basis of these values?
Body Paragraphs 2-4
What accomplishment am I most proud of, and why?
What incident/event provides evidence of my responsibility, and how?
What difficulties or disadvantages have I faced and how did I overcome them? (This is especially important if you are applying for the Educational Opportunity Program (EOP).
What is one area in which I am weak, and how have I overcome it?
TIP: Avoid simplistic transitions between paragraphs. If your topic sentences (generally the first sentence in each paragraph) all begin with some sort of numerical transition (first, second, third, finally), or you find yourself relying to heavily on "also" to move your paragraphs forward, look for more interesting and sophisticated transition words and phrases to move the essay along.
PS: Introductory Paragraph.
Structuring Your Personal Statement: The Introductory Paragraph
Your introduction is where you establish the tone of your personal statement and set the scene, define its theme, and generally hook your reader by sparking interest with details and quotes. It's important that you avoid meaningless prose and get right to the point. Be sure, too, that your language is clear and specific--avoid filler words and clichés. Most importantly, be sure that the introductory paragraph captures the main idea of your essay.
Sometimes the introduction is the last portion of the essay to be completed, and that's okay. The introduction should provide a snapshot of what the rest of the essay will develop and expand upon, so if you don't know where the rest of the essay is headed, the introduction is impossible to write. Therefore, it is important to outline your essay so that you know how each of your examples will build upon one another and can better draft your introduction to reflect this.
Here are some sample introductory paragraphs. You're the judge--which one is strongest?
1. On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence. It was a feeling of indescribable disbelief. My mother, my only parent, fell down the stairs of our home. It was then that I knew that I had to become a doctor to help people who were suffering like my mother. By attending your college, I will be able to fulfill my dream and to give back to my community through medicine.Click here if you selected this opener.
2. My father divorced us when I was in seventh grade. At that time, I was going through what my mother called my "difficult stage" because my world revolved around school, friends and boys, and "family" was often put on the back burner. I was unprepared for the resulting family crisis; my father, the man who nurtured my passion for art, literature and my love of languages, would no longer be a part of my life. At the time, I thought that I could not go on. Now I realize that my father's rejection, while extremely painful, gave me a resiliency and strength of character that I did not previously know I possessed. Click here if you selected this opener.
3. It was once said that "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," and that is a motto that I have lived by for all of my seventeen years on this earth. It is a motto that I have based all of my academic endeavors on. It literally came into effect one Wednesday morning earlier this year. I got called into the House One Principal's office at our school. I walked towards the office a little pondered. I had never been called into that office before, because that principal only handled the math and science departments of the entire school. I doubted that the principal even knew me. When I entered the office I was greeted by a group of familiar faces that I knew from my physics class. Our principal told us to have a seat and relax. The reason that we were called in was that there was going to be a Science Competition happening that Saturday and the school really wanted us to enter into it. The principal said that she knew it was short notice, but based on our performances in all our science classes she knew that we could pull it off. She stated that we were some of the only high school juniors and seniors who had completed and gone beyond the required science courses. (I personally had already taken a semester of both Physics and Physiology that year, and two of the other girls that were in there with me had already completed AP Biology.)
Your introduction is where you establish the tone of your personal statement and set the scene, define its theme, and generally hook your reader by sparking interest with details and quotes. It's important that you avoid meaningless prose and get right to the point. Be sure, too, that your language is clear and specific--avoid filler words and clichés. Most importantly, be sure that the introductory paragraph captures the main idea of your essay.
Sometimes the introduction is the last portion of the essay to be completed, and that's okay. The introduction should provide a snapshot of what the rest of the essay will develop and expand upon, so if you don't know where the rest of the essay is headed, the introduction is impossible to write. Therefore, it is important to outline your essay so that you know how each of your examples will build upon one another and can better draft your introduction to reflect this.
Here are some sample introductory paragraphs. You're the judge--which one is strongest?
1. On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence. It was a feeling of indescribable disbelief. My mother, my only parent, fell down the stairs of our home. It was then that I knew that I had to become a doctor to help people who were suffering like my mother. By attending your college, I will be able to fulfill my dream and to give back to my community through medicine.Click here if you selected this opener.
2. My father divorced us when I was in seventh grade. At that time, I was going through what my mother called my "difficult stage" because my world revolved around school, friends and boys, and "family" was often put on the back burner. I was unprepared for the resulting family crisis; my father, the man who nurtured my passion for art, literature and my love of languages, would no longer be a part of my life. At the time, I thought that I could not go on. Now I realize that my father's rejection, while extremely painful, gave me a resiliency and strength of character that I did not previously know I possessed. Click here if you selected this opener.
3. It was once said that "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," and that is a motto that I have lived by for all of my seventeen years on this earth. It is a motto that I have based all of my academic endeavors on. It literally came into effect one Wednesday morning earlier this year. I got called into the House One Principal's office at our school. I walked towards the office a little pondered. I had never been called into that office before, because that principal only handled the math and science departments of the entire school. I doubted that the principal even knew me. When I entered the office I was greeted by a group of familiar faces that I knew from my physics class. Our principal told us to have a seat and relax. The reason that we were called in was that there was going to be a Science Competition happening that Saturday and the school really wanted us to enter into it. The principal said that she knew it was short notice, but based on our performances in all our science classes she knew that we could pull it off. She stated that we were some of the only high school juniors and seniors who had completed and gone beyond the required science courses. (I personally had already taken a semester of both Physics and Physiology that year, and two of the other girls that were in there with me had already completed AP Biology.)
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